Becoming!

Life challenge you to grow. In any form of growth it becomes a challenge. I had to grow, I needed to do certain things that showed maturity, I needed to accept myself as I am. I needed to stop judging myself which is a struggle to master. I needed to accept all the flaws that I have and learn from them.

Life needs to be figured out, the best way you know how by yourself because there is no manual that is guiding us how to do certain things, you set your own goals, you set your own boundaries, you have your own values. what I have learned is that I matter, I am learning to be kind to myself and respect myself. I needed to understand myself better before the world could understand me, I needed to be able to love myself unconditionally so that when other people don’t show or give the love that I know and deserve I am able to go and find a space where I feel safe and I say I belong.

When I grew up I thought being alone was a sign of being lonely, being bored. I thought it was wrong, I thought I should have lot of friends, I wanted to fit in, I didn’t understand if a person would say “I am full of myself” I would be so hurt, I would try by all means to be this lovely girl that will impress all her friends but I realised that it not going to happen, It was not happening, I got so tired. I grew up from all that, I started to look at life differently, I started to focus on the things that makes me happy, I started to dedicate all the energy that I have to empower myself, to do things that makes me happy, to face my fears.

I started to attend social gatherings alone, I started to do my hobbies alone, I wanted to experience how does it feel to be alone, what feelings am I getting, who do I become once I am there alone and trying to make friends, I love it. Yes I did go through all kinds of feeling, I felt lonely, I got nervous, I judged myself so much tried even to convince myself not to attend that particular function/ gathering. Well what I have learned and that I am still learning, Is to stop judging myself, Is to stop wanting to perfect everything I touch. I will never be perfect because there is no such thing as perfect, well I am becoming the person that I believe I am meant to be, I am becoming a loving human being and I am practising that skill grom myself. Life is a journey, I am not rushing anywhere, I am loving this journey and will keep choosing myself through it all.

#doingitformysoul.