I am 80% extrovert and 20% introvert. I thought I should declare that first and foremost. This means I enjoy and I love being outside the house, it brings me joy and happiness. I love taking myself out for breakfast and coffee date especially on weekends.
So can you imagine how is my life currently? In South Africa our President Mr Cyril Ramaphosa announced that we will have a national locked down effectively on the 26 March 2020. That meant we are not allowed to go to work, visit friends or family, we can only go to the supermarket for essentials. Well it started as 21 days into the lockdown and now we are still on a lock down and it has been more than 65 days in it.
So how am I feeling? I can’t even describe my feelings because they are all mixed up. Days are not the same. One day I wake up with so much strength and positivity. Other days I am weak I can’t even get up from the bed because my mind is racing to a point that I can’t even help it. Well being in one space for more than 24 hours can drive you crazy, so I needed to be active to plan my life on how it will look like for the next 21 days because at the time I thought no it will only be 21 days and I can do this let me focus, let me plan and be productive.
I committed on am doing home workout for the next few days so that I can be discipline and keep my mind focus, and it really helped me to think clearer and being focus. I was very dedicated. I was committed to the exercise even in cold/ rainy days I woke up and told myself that I need to workout.
My plan was to eat clean, exercise and loss some kilograms which I did loss. So after the 21 days was over, Mr president extended the national lockdown and I needed to come up with a new plan, what will I do next? Well I started a small garden in my balcony so that I could be able to nurture it every morning, so that I would have something to look forward too, I needed to be strong for myself and I needed to be positive at the same time because I was and still alone in the house, I chose to be alone for various reason and it felt good when I made that decision to be alone not to travel to another province.
Well what did I know about gardening? Nothing and I mean nothing, but I was willing to fail at it and learn at the same time because I love flowers and plants. So starting something that you love should be easy maintaining it even if tough days come by you will be able to hold on until better days come through. I remember I waking up one day and my plants where showing signs of dying. I was so hurt and I didn’t even know what to do, how to help them to be fresh again and be alive again. The nursery is close so I needed to figured it out myself, I never gave up, I watered them everyday. Other days they blossomed so nicely to a point that I am so proud of myself and I couldn’t contain my joy.
So after a month (30days) I realized that something is wrong because my flowers are no longer growing, they changing colors and I was starting to stress out, until Mr president announced that the national lockdown will be on stage 4, now we have stage 4 and our life’s are a little bit easier.
This meant some of the shops will reopen, and nursery was part of those shops, thank goodness me. I went to the nursery and I explained my story to the guy that had assisted me before that my plants are dying. When I showed him the pictures of my flowers he couldn’t believe what he saw, he asked me “ Sis are they still on this packaging?” I responded “Yes” he shook his head and his like “ Oh no my sister, you need to build a bed for the plants and buy soil for them”. He showed me an example of the bed that I needed and he assisted me to get the soil I needed. I went back home and I created the bed and I re- planted my plants.
So today I have a small garden that I truly love watering each and every morning, that I watch grow and blossom. It keeps me going, it makes my heart smile. I never knew how much I loved flowers until I invested in nurturing them and buying them consistently. I noticed my mood after buying a bunch of flowers how I felt and each time I am a totally different person.
Yes there are days where I feel like I am on track and my mood is great. I try to support my brain as well in these tough times by reading, attending Zoom meetings ( specially those have topic of interest) I find that it helps me a lot to focus on the things that uplift me rather than focusing on negative news or being too much on social media because that messes a lot with my head. I can’t think straight at all, I panic and I fear builds up.
I bought books to read along side as well, they have been keeping me company a lot. I bought a fiction and non fiction because time to time I want to be in the reality and some times I really want a good laugh with my books, I swear you are never alone when you have books with you. They kept me going and these are the books that hold me together.
Well this doesn’t mean I didn’t have days where I cried for no reason, some days I would wake up and I am just exhausted and I am in pain, everything would hurt, my body, everything and I couldn’t help but to cry, I was fed up of being in the house, I was tired of sitting and reading, I was tired of being strong, I was tired of having to hold it together, my body was just tired, I was weak. So I cried so much that after crying I felt better. I felt lonely, I question myself if this is really how life will be? I wondered how will I adapt after Corona? Will I be still the same person? Definitely not.
Today it day 111 South Africa Lockdown, I am still here on this blog trying to publish it, I have been self doubting myself to press publish, I’ve been procrastinating on so many things in my life currently. I’ve been very demotivated to a point that I couldn’t even lift my finger to be productive but while I was still doubting myself I had a chance to indulge on 2 good books which lifted my spirit so much, I was able to have a come back in life and start again because giving up is not an option for me.
Books always brings out the best in me, I am currently reading two Ebooks that are very helpful in my journey (they are such personal attack) but I am intending on finishing them soon.
#doingitformysoul
Zamas-Journey 