Happy fathers day.

Dear: Nyambose

Maybe I should start by saying happy fathers day, I hope you had a beautiful day with your family.

For years I’ve been walking around angry at you, I’ve been hating you for not being part of my life, part of my story. I actually don’t know the reasons why you chose that path, I am walking around carrying this weight based on assumptions. I have triggers left and right but I have discovered this year that my most trigger is Fathers days because everyone around me is celebrating to have a father, everyone has something to say about their father.

I am sitting here and thinking, what can i say about you? Nothing. what do I know about you? Nothing. Are you even alive? I don’t know. How sad that I am walking around and thinking about you time to time. I am trying to picture you, how great of a human being you are? I think that the reason why I kept on thinking about you because I am hearing lovely stories of fathers, how protective they are, how they love their daughters and really you do fall in that category Nyambose because you are a respectable father to your other kids that you have decided to love and be with.

How can I fault you for not being in my life when you chose that path, maybe it was the best decision for you, maybe it what made sense to you at that time, who am I to judge you, whom am I to question your decisions, hence why I sat down with myself and had an introspection. It doesn’t have to end like this, I don’t have to carry so much burden, I really don’t have to suffer for things that I really don’t know. No one needs to be at fault, I don’t need this baggage anymore, I am sure you don’t feel guilty because each and every year you get to be celebrated, you get to be thanked because you are a father to others, just not to me.

Maybe you are a great dad to your kids, Maybe you are their hero. I am the only one that really didn’t get the chance and the opportunity to know you, and now I know it was for the better for both of us. I came out great, I would assume you are doing well for yourself. All I am saying is that it shouldn’t end like this, I don’t have to be bitter. Today I am choosing to let go off all the anger, the hate and the miserability. I carried it so well for years but I didn’t gain anything, that why I am letting it go now and I want to wish you a Happy fathers day Nyambose, Dingiswayo.

One of my wish is to have the gut to tell you that from all the hate that I carried for years, I want to learn to let it go and to start loving you from a distance, because that all we have is a distance relationship. Why not try to practice to love you instead of hating you. Believe me, I carried my hate with pride but now I shall start baby steps in loving you.

Unknown!